A Bada Bing Plot: A Snake in Hand, With Three In the Bar Finale
**GLX’s Note: The Following Story are certain scenes that I wanted to put in, but didn’t due to flow, then I added some more and called it a day**
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Rex vs. Ray:
*Scene shows Raiden facing off against Metal Gear Ray with Ocelot inside*
Ocelot: Now witness the greatest machine ever to be built, rip you to shreds
Raiden: I HATE THIS GAME!
*Suddenly missiles attack Ray*
Ocelot: WHAT!?
Liquid’s Voice: WHAT’S WRONG, OCELOT!?
*Scene pans to Liquid inside of Metal Gear Rex*
Liquid: NEVER HEARD OF A TIME PARADOX!?
Ocelot: …So…there’s two of you?
Liquid: Yep!
Ocelot’s Hand: *lifts up and mouths a voice* THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!
Ocelot: HOW IS THAT PHSYICALLY POS-
*Rex rams Ray*
Ocelot: Oh you son of a bitch
*Rex and Ray start attacking each other, scene cuts to Raiden on the ground. Snake comes up behind him*
Snake: Maybe we should let those two duke it out for us.
*Moment of silence*
Raiden and Snake: *pull out Stingers with smiles* ORRRRRRRRR…
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Tiff and Stacy Take On Metal Gear Ray:
**GLX’s Note: This scene is based on true events**
*Scene shows Stacy [FG2] playing the PS2 getting very frustrated. Tiff [FG1] walks in*
Tiff: Hey Stace, what’s up?
*Stacy mumbles*
Tiff: Um…okay
*Suddenly the sound of Raiden dying is heard*
Stacy: MOTHERFUCKING SON OF A COCK SUCKING BITCH! *throws the controller on the ground*
Tiff: Need help?
Stacy: NO!
Tiff: …Looks like you need help
Stacy: PISS OFF! *plays again*
*Tiff sits down beside Stacy. Raiden is heard dying again*
Stacy: HOW THE FUCK ARE YOU SUPPOSE TO BEAT TWENTY FIVE RAYS!? *throws the controller on the ground again* Fuck this game.
Tiff: *picks up the controller* May I?
Stacy: *waves hand* Knock yourself out
*Tiff plays for a few minutes*
Voice: YOU HAVE DEFEATED METAL GEAR RAY!
Stacy: *slowly turns to Tiff glaring* …Ho-
Tiff: You have to open it’s mouth then shoot the rocket
*Moment of silence*
Stacy: Give me that *snatches the controller from her hands* FUCKING controller *plays again*
Tiff: You’re welcome
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Step into the Animus Jack:
*Scene shows the end of MGS2 where Raiden and Rose are standing there looking at each other. Then a flash of white bathes the scene then cuts to Raiden inside of the Animus with Vidic [AC] standing over him*
Raiden: WHO!? WHAT!? WHERE!?
Vidic: Ah, Jack, I see you’ve come to
Raiden: Rose?
Vidic: You’ll have to forgive me, I saw that those memory nodes were too…corrupt.
Raiden: Those were my memories
Vidic: Yea, but they were from a horrible game
Raiden: Piss off you.
Vidic: In any case, I’m hoping that we can take your mind further into the past to help us find an artifact with great historical knowledge
Raiden: So you’re gonna take me back in time?
Vidic: Yep, without the time paradoxes
Raiden: SWEET! Take me to fight Big Boss! I wanna kick his ass so hard that way I become the Metal Gear Hero!
Vidic: Hmm…fair enough, I’ll take you to a time period where only Big Boss is in
Raiden: Awesome
*Scene flashes white as Raiden wakes up in Raikov’s clothes and in a bedroom*
Raiden: What the he- *looks in the mirror* Oh no…OH NO!
Volgin: *walks in wearing a speedo* OHHHHHH RRRAAAAIIIKKKKOOOOVVVV!
Raiden: ABORT THE MISSION! ABORT THE MISSION! *screaming*
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Meryl vs. EVA:
*Scene shows Meryl and EVA facing each other pissed off*
Meryl: So you’re suppose to be better than me? Pfft
EVA: Of course I am, cause I actually know how to use a fucking gun!
Meryl: You bitch! Least I didn’t bitch and moan for Snake to feed me!
EVA: Of course you didn’t you were too busy getting kidnapped by Liquid! Or getting mind controlled or getting shot!
Meryl: Least I didn’t take a twig in the chest when I should have been paying attention!
EVA: OH YEA!
Meryl: YEA!
*Moment of pause then both girls start to make out and fall to the floor, scene shifts to N. Snake and Snake*
N. Snake and Snake: FFFFFFFFFFFUCK YEA!
Snake: OTACON! GET YOUR ASS TO RECORDING!
Otacon’s Voice: Snake, I’m an otaku who pursued his dreams because I saw it in an anime, I’ve been recording the minute those two got on screen
Snake: Way to be useful for once!
N. Snake: Tell me about it
Raiden: *pops in* Hey can I
N. Snake: NO FAGS ALLOWED!
Snake: What he said, Volgin butt buddy
Raiden: YOU ALL SUCK! *pops out crying*
N. Snake: Tch, drama queen
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Vampire-phobia: (I think you all know what’s coming)
*Scene shows N. Snake crawling around the caves and seeing bats everywhere*
N. Snake: SON OF A BITCH! THIS IS BAT COUNTRY!
Para-Medic’s Voice: Snake, calm down, they’re fruit bats! They’re harmless!
N. Snake: I know, but it’s the other ones…the…vampire bats
Para-Medic’s Voice: Don’t tell me the mighty Snake is afraid of a Vampire Bat…or is it you’re afraid of
N. Snake: DON’T SAY IT!
Para-Medic’s Voice: VAMPIRES!?
N. Snake: DAMN IT PARA!
Para-Medic’s Voice: Snake come on, Vampire are-
*Suddenly Edward [Twilight] pops in with Bella [Twilight]*
Edward: There, we should be safe here!
Bella: Oh Edward, I’m so scared
N. Snake: Uh…what?
Bella: He’s a vampire!
N. Snake: But it’s day time!
Edward: So?
N. Snake: Vampires, DIE in the sunlight
Edward: No we don’t that’s silly, we sparkle
N. Snake: …what?
Bella: It’s true, plus Edward is a vegetarian vampire so he only sucks the blood from animals
N. Snake: What?
Edward: Bella, I love you!
Bella: Being a Vampire must be awesome!
N. Snake: WHAT!?
Para-Medic’s Voice: Snake what’s…
N. Snake: Hold on a second Para, *pulls out an RPG and shoots at Bella and Edward blowing them up*
Para-Medic’s Voice: WHAT WAS THAT!?
N. Snake: Yea, Para…I’m not afraid of Vampires anymore
Para-Medic’s Voice: Really? Why the change of heart?
N. Snake: I’ve come to realize that Vampire are faggots.
Blade [Blade]: *walks in* Son of a bitch, I wanted to kill them
Buffy [Buffy the Vampire Slayer]: *pops in* GET IN LINE! I had dibs on those freaks first!
N. Snake: Ahhh, I love how much of a sneaking mission this is!
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Tiff and Stacy Take On The Fury:
**GLX’s Note: This scene is based on somewhat true events**
*Scene shows Stacy on the couch again, vein popping out of her forehead, eye twitching, playing the PS2. Tiff walks in*
Tiff: *looks* The Fury huh?
Stacy: …
Tiff: You uh almost go-
*Sounds of Snake dying*
Stacy: …I. FUCKING. HATE. THE FURY! *throws the controller on the floor*
Tiff: *sits down beside her* Want me to he-
Stacy: FUCK OFF! *replays again*
*Sounds of Snake dying again*
Stacy: SON OF A BITCH!
*Time passes, as Snake dies again*
Stacy: You know what, *throws controller on the ground* fuck this game, fuck Metal Gear Solid, and FUCK EVERYTHING! *leaves*
Tiff: *picks up the controller and starts playing*
*Some time passes*
Tiff: HEY! STACY!
Stacy: *pops in* Wh- *looks*…did you
Tiff: Tranq’d him and everything
Stacy: …Excuse me *leaves*
Tiff: Huh…wonder where she’s going?
*Scene cuts to the battle with The Fury and N. Snake*
The Fury: Now, Snake prepare to meet…
Stacy: *walks in* Ahem
N. Snake: What the…
Stacy: So you like fire, huh? THEN TRY THIS! VULCAN SHOCK! LITTLE BOY!
The Fury: Little wh-
*The Fury is engulfed in an inferno of flames*
Stacy: ZA WARUDO!
*Time Stops as Stacy pulls out her scythe and starts beating the crap out of The Fury*
Stacy: Time’s Up!
*Time resumes and The Fury in on the ground in pain. Stacy jumps into the air and gets a steamroller from no where and slams it on The Fury’s body*
Stacy: Burn me now, you bitch, BURN ME NOW!
*Scene cuts to Nick [FG3] and Edge [FG1] looking in shock*
Nick and Edge: DAAAAAAAAAMMMMMNNNNNNN
Nick: I think Stacy went a little overboard on him
Edge: I think so to-
GLX’s Voice: FINISH HIM!
*Scene cuts to GLX pissed off at the screen*
GLX: FINISH HIM! LEAVE NOTHING BUT HIS HELMET AND HIS SKULL!
GCX [GG]: *comes in and drags GLX down* It’s okay, man, it’s okay…he’s dead, he will never hurt you again
GLX: *quiet* He…he just kept burning me, and burning me…I felt like nothing would make it stop!
GCX: Shhh…it’s alright
*Scene cuts to Nick and Edge shocked by GLX*
Nick: Pfft, Fury wasn’t that bad. I mean I beat him and he was a pussy
GLX’s Voice: YOU SON OF A BITCH!
*GLX lunges at Nick but GCX and Cosmos stop him*
GLX: I’LL BLEED YOUR HEART OUT THEN LIGHT IT ON FIRE! YOU HEAR ME! YOU HEAR ME!?
Nick: Next Scene, NEXT SCENE!
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MGS4 Retribution:
*Scene shows GLX with Raiden*
Raiden: You know what, I’m pissed, you’ve been making fun of my ass the entire saga, that and Otacon! I mean what the fuck man
GLX: It’s because out of every Metal Gear Solid game I have played…yours was the one that pissed me off the most leaving a bad taste on the series for me.
Raiden: YEA! WELL…you watch! I’ll be popular someday and be more bad ass then I’ll get my very own game and then you’ll be sorry!
GLX: Pfft, Yea then hell will freeze over a-
ULX [WG1]: *pops in* Uh…you seen those screens of MGS4?
GLX: No, why?
*Scene shifts to Raiden, ULX, and GLX in front of a computer looking at screens of Raiden in MGS4*
GLX: …wait…what!?
Raiden: Dude…I look bad ass…and I kick ass!
GLX: Yea well…I know you won’t get your own game…
ULX: Actuallllyyy *clicks on something*
GLX: *looks* …Metal Gear…Rising?
Raiden: YES! OH GOD YES!
GLX: …Excuse me *gets up and walks over off screen*
*Scene cuts to GLX in front of a hatch, GLX opens the hatch and snow starts coming out of it*
GLX: …*sighs* NICK! WHY IS THERE SNOW IN HELL!?
Nick’s Voice: Cause you said you hated that white bitch and wanted to put it back where it came from
GLX: Oh yea…
Raiden: That mean you’ll have respect for me?
GLX: Not until I play MGS4
Raiden: That gonna be any time soon?
GLX: Pfft, balls no
Raiden: DAMN IT!
- END -