A Bada Bing Plot: The Fantasy Vixen Awards IV Finale
*Scene shows Red, Kyo, CX, and Nick on stage.*
Red: Welcome back to the show ladies and gentlemen where we are ready to crown our four close losers and the FVA for the two thousand eight. I’m your announcer Red
Kyo: I’m Kyo
CX: I’m Sexy and CX
Nick: And I’m sick of this contest already!
CX: See it’s because you don’t like the titties
Nick: CX, we’ve been crushed, put a blaze, naked, and frozen…and you STILL like this hellish contest?
CX: *glares at Nick* I get that on a daily basis during the rest of my life…I’m more or less immune to the negative.
Red: *pulls out a ray gun* Really?
CX: PUT IT AWAY DAMN IT!
Kyo: Anyways, let’s bring out our five judges to present them all with the crowns!
*The five judges then pop out from the stage slowly holding crystal crowns, and Glide holding the golden one in the middle*
Red: So you five had fun?
Kellins: Hey, as long as I saw Celes do awesome things, I’m happy…also there was violence. And that’s good when it happens to someone else
Vanks: I had fun, I felt like I was in control of their very lives…normally Sarah handles that aspect of that.
A.F: Needed more tits…Seriously, it did
CX: I know, but the budget wouldn’t allow it this year
A.F: Awwww
Erik: I enjoyed my time here…strange how I enjoyed a bunch of women beating the hell out of each other.
Glide: Well I’m always here, so you know my answer
CX: Right you’re crazy.
Glide: I like to think of it as I’m the sane one and the world is crazy.
Nick: Yea, that kind of talk gets you locked up in the rubber room
Red: In any case, let’s end this show by announcing our grand prize winners.
Kyo: At this time I wish that security is restraining both the Wise Mankey and Christian Vergo
ULX and Mankey’s Voices: OH COME ON!
*ULX and Mankey walk out*
ULX: I mean you let Kellins stay here, and lord knows he’ll kill Glide and give the crown to Celes
Mankey: Yea! When it should go to Rikku!
ULX: *laughs* That’s funny, I thought I heard you say Rikku when you meant Yuna *laughs again*
Mankey: …*pulls out a flaming two by four covered in barbed wire* Oh I think you heard me
ULX: *pulls out a Stinger Missle launcher* Well in that case I think we should settle this little quarrel, shall we?
Mankey: Bring it on you boozer!
ULX: Oh it’s brought you Pokeman!
*Both ULX and Mankey start fighting in a cartoonish fight cloud*
CX: SECURITY!
*Stacy walks in and the fight stops*
Stacy: Am I gonna have to break the two of you up?
Mankey and ULX: …n-noooooo
Stacy: Good, now get up and go
Mankey: BUT HE-
Stacy: *pulls out her scythe* WHAT DID I SAY!?
Mankey and ULX: YES MA’AM! *runs off stage*
Stacy: All yours *walks off*
CX: Thank you, security. Now then where were we?
Red: Announcing the winners
CX: Right, Nick.
Nick: Alright, in fifth place of the FVAs…Kellins, who is it?
Kellins: *reads the envelope* In fifth, she showed amazing dance moves, destructive force, and skating that made us all go “What the hell!?” in our heads. Give it up for Twelve’s, Penelo!
*Penelo walks on stage and stands in front of Kellins. Kellins then puts the crown on him*
Penelo: Fifth place?
CX: We would have given you more, but you lacked the outfit you had in Reverent Wings.
Penelo: Oh…what if I got it now?
Nick: OH NO! We’re not going through that bullshit again, you had your chance
Penelo: Damn.
Red: Our Fourth place winner…Vanks, who is it?
Vanks: Well forth place, I wasn’t given an envelope to give the fourth place.
Red: You…You didn’t?
Vanks: No…I got third place
A.F: HEY! WHAT THE HELL! I GOT THIRD TOO!
CX: Give me those *takes the envelopes* …Well I’ll be a son of a bitch, we have a tie for third place!
Red: Seriously?
CX: Yea…Apparently in third place is a tie. *hands the envelopes back*
Vanks: Well that’s great. Well in third place she was stylish with her aeon and sung very very beautifully…
A.F: While my third place contestant showed how to dance to seduce by knew how to use those lungs well.
Vanks: Give it up for Yuna…
A.F: And Tifa!
*Tifa and Yuna walk out and take their crowns*
Tifa: Third place? Wow…I’m starting to slip…*looks to Yuna* But you did awesome
Yuna: Thanks, you did good too!
Tifa: Better luck next year, I guess
Yuna: Yea…I wonder how ULX is feeling
ULX’s Voice: Rage against the Judges…as usual
CX: *looks off stage* YOUR ARGUMENT IS INVALID!
Kyo: Right, so I guess we go to second place, or the runner up…Erik
Erik: Right the runner up for FVAs is *reads the envelope* Well she knows how to use heavy machinery, and use magic to blow up stuff…give it up for the six universe’s, Terra
Kellins: DAMN IT!
*Moment of silence*
Kellins: …I mean…congratulations
*Terra walks out on stage and Erik gives her, her crown*
Terra: …*blinks* wow…thank you, you guys…I hope I can be a good runner-up
CX: *shrug* as long as you’re breathing, you’re doing a bang up job already. And lastly our grand champion…the Vixen who proved better than all these losers…
Penelo, Tifa, Yuna, and Terra: Hey!
CX: Sorry…Glide, will you do the honors?
Glide: Gladly! The FVA for this year is…
Kellins: It’s Celes, I knew it
Glide: Uh…Ke-
Kellins: It’s Celes
Glide: Kel-
Kellins: IT’S CELES AND THAT IS FIN-
*Suddenly Stacy appears behind Kellins*
Stacy: Am I hearing some sort of disruption here, Mr. Kellins?
Kellins: …*blinks*…So this is what death feels like.
Stacy: Yuuuup
CX: …*looks at Glide* Go ahead angel.
Glide: Thank you. The FVA for this year is *reads the envelope* Is the one who showed brute force, amazing speed, and more brute force. Twelve’s Fran is this year’s FVA!
*Fran walks out*
Fran: …This is a joke right?
Mankey: *runs* BULLSHIT! I CALL BULLSHIT!
Kellins: I SECOND MANKEY THIS TIME!
Stacy: *grabs them both by the collar and drags them away* Yea, and no one cares what you think
Mankey and Kellins: WE WILL NOT BE SILENCED!
*Fran gets her crown*
Fran: …Please tell me this is a joke
CX: Scores don’t lie
Fran: I was right then
Nick: Oh?
Fran: Your creator is a sick twisted bastard
GLX’s Voice: THANK YOU!
CX: *looks to the audience* Well everyone that’s it for this year’s FVAs
Nick: Tune in next year for the same inane bullcrap
Red: So from everyone at the Bada Bing and from the Final Fantasy’s mob of women
Kyo: Good night and God speed!
*Scene fades to black with music playing in the background.*
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*Scene cuts inside of the Bada Bing Bar with everyone inside all wearing [WG1]*
ULX: Well that was a nice event, Iota got to kiss a pirate
Iota: I was drunk, piss off
ULX: Yea, keep telling yourself that *laughs*
Iota: Hey, all I did was kiss a female pirate, least I didn’t fuck a rabbit
ULX: *stops laughing* Dick
CX: This FVAs was pretty okay…though Nick was acting extra dickish
Nick: Meh, just felt different this year…that and Final Fantasy isn’t exactly my favorite game genre…I mean to me it’s very boring
*Everyone freezes in fear*
Nick: What? It’s true!
*Suddenly a dark shadow with pink eyes looms over Nick*
Tiff’s Voice: What was that?
Nick: …Oh….fuck
*Scene cuts away where Nick is being beaten up by Tiff*
Red: Ouch…that has to be the worse decision in the entire world.
CX: Yea, that’s like saying you wrote this all complete and stuff when in reality you finished it seven months later when it was suppose to be out.
ULX: HA! Yea, that would be silly!
CX: Very!
ULX: Cause it’s December.
*Everyone stops then looks at the audience. Scene then cuts to June with GLX [GG] in front of a black screen*
GLX: YOU KNOW WHAT! FUCK IT! IT’S DONE! I’M NOT ON THE LINE ANYMORE! FUCK YOU ALL! *walks off*
*Scene pans to CX and ULX [FG2] standing there*
ULX: And all it took was seven months to finish
CX: And constant bitching from his conscience
ULX: Looks like we’re back to the nine to five
CX: Awwww, crap
- END -