A Bada Bing Story: 4th Year Confessionals
*Scene cuts to GLX, GCX, and Cosmos [ All dressed in suits ] in front of a black
screen and sitting on chairs*
GLX: Welcome ladies and gentlemen I am GLX, master creator and all knowing…
GCX: Dumbass
GLX: Quiet you!
GCX: I’m just saying, that someone who hasn’t worked for a while should really-
GLX: SILENCE! I WILL NOT RIDICULED BY MY OWN CHARACTERS!
Cosmos: You mean like always?
GLX: *glares at Cosmos* I will end you
Cosmos: Just shut up and announce
GLX: FINE *moment of silence then turns to the audience* Well folks today is May 25th and as most people know this is the flag mark day of the Bada Bing Stories, where I’ve been spewing stories from my ass for four years.
GCX and Cosmos: Among other things…
GLX: Grrr…Now this day is almost like a new year for the stories, a new route we can either change or stay the same, much like New Years. So I thought it would be great to…
Cosmos: Have another cop out?
GLX: …Say one more thing, either of you and I’m feeding you to Rosie O’Donnell’s vagina, UNDERSTAND ME!?
Cosmos and GCX: *cowering* YES SIR!
GLX: Good. Like I was saying, I thought it would be great to get some resolutions for year four to see we can either better ourselves or better the stories themselves…lord knows they need them.
*All three nod in agreement*
GLX: So for my resolution I plan to make more stories and stop being a lazy ass that I have been for the past few months.
GCX: My Resolution is to make sure that certain god boys follow through with said resolutions
Cosmos: My Resolution is the same as GCX’s resolution and make sure he isn’t the laziest asshole in the world.
GLX: *glares at both of them* RELEASE THE O’DONNELL SNATCH!
GCX and Cosmos: FFFFFFFFFFFUUUUCCCCCC- *runs*
*Sounds of roaring and snarling are heard*
GLX: *looks to the audience* Let’s see how the others are shall we?
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*Scene cuts to a close up of Cole [FG1]*
Cole: My Resolution? Hmm, not sure, I all of year three more or less revolved around me…however I do resolve to try and get GLX to get me an apartment made
*Scene zooms out and shows Cole’s stuff flying around with him in a white void space*
Cole: Seriously…kinda hard to ask a girl over to your place to make out, if you ain’t got a place.
*Moment of silence*
Cole: Though I will say, swimming in an empty white void is something most people haven’t experienced.
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*Scene cuts to Allison and Amazon [FG1] in a torture chamber*
Allison: Resolution? Hmm…I can think of only one
Amazon: Indeed, only one!
Allison and Amazon: TO FINALLY SEX THE HELL OUT OF GLX AND GCX!
GCX and GLX: NEVER GONNA CATCH US! NEVER NEVER NEVER!
Allison: *looks up* WE WILL! YOU WATCH!
Amazon: We’ll get you yet Gadget!
Allison: *looks at Amazon: What?
Allison: Sorry I was in the moment.
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*Scene cuts to Rose and Cris [ FG1] in their apartment*
Rose: Oh I dunno, I mean I know I’m not perfect…Cris…why don’t you go?
Cris: *lays back on her couch* Oh please that’s easy, my resolution is the same as my New Year’s and all my others. Beat Kyo and show him I’m the strongest…oh wait I do that all the time. *cackles*
Rose: *sighs* Right…Well I guess I can’t really think of anything to resolve for myself…
Cris: How about enough with the sucking face with your boyfriend…I mean jeez, anymore sucked and you’ll be a squid
Rose: *blushes* CRIS!
Cris: Oh come on it’s not that hard to see…
Rose: …*looks away* But still!
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*Scene cuts to Trisha [FG1] at the police station*
Trisha: My resolution…that’s easy…I plan to break Cross’s kneecaps, arms and fingers, then throw his thieving ass in jail to rot for eternity.
Camera-man: Um…What makes you think you can actually do that.
Trisha: I’m the Captain of Soltana’s Police Force, if I can’t do it, then no one c-*Moment of silence, adjusts shirt* Um…*blinks then blushes a little* CRRROOOOSSSS!!
Cross [FG1]: *pops up with a black bra on hand* What? I sensed something valuable in here. *flees*
Trisha: Excuse me…*grabs her gun and starts chasing Cross shooting and yelling madly*
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*Scene cuts to the Nick’s Gang’s room, where Nick, Red, Dawn, Rayumi, Iota, Isura, Kyo, and Sirus are all sitting around looking towards the audience*
Kyo: My resolution would be simple, beat the crap out of anyone who pisses me off…and smile doing it!
Nick: That why Cris has beaten you so many times
Kyo: Hey I kick her ass too!
Isura: Not something you want to brag when you beat up a woman.
Kyo: …damn you and your negative spins
Sirus: My resolution, is simple, help damsels in distress as I sweep them off my feet and into a nice restaurant.
Red: So you’re saying you want to get laid
Sirus: Not entirely…just get “laid” in a sense of a romantic kind of view.
Red: Still sounds like you want to get laid.
Dawn: I really have no resolutions…I’m more or less happy with the way things are. Really…
Rayumi: I can state the same, mainly because Red programmed us and if we’re more or less functioning, we’re content.
Dawn: Indeed
Nick: Red, your robots are depressing…again.
Red: Quiet you! My resolution is mainly to take over the world with an iron tyrant fist.
Iota: Don’t you already control this place
Red: Meh, but I want to take over bigger places…like Fireball or Newgrounds or Youtube
Iota: You have some fucked up dreams then, man.
Red: Shut up, ya blue Irish prick
Iota: Brainy bastard. My resolution is simple, to get GLX to stop pissing me off with event and get me more whiskey! A Scotch is a fine thing too.
Nick: Liquor, oh la de fucking da, why am I not surprised by that?
Iota: Okay genius, what’s your resolution?
Nick: That’s easy, to find a way to revive 3D Realms’s games and make them bad-ass, and not spend god knows how many years before the company go bankrupt like the idiots they are. That and make sure my ass stays on TFSU this time around.
Iota: Five bucks says in a month or two, the comic will crash and burn
Nick: Fine by me, you’re the star of it asshole.
Iota: …FFFFFFFFFFFFFFF-
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*Scene cuts to a dorm room with Rena and Manami [FG1] sitting on the couch*
Manami: My Resolution? Um…I guess that’d be to be in more places more, I feel like I’m invisible most of the time. Until I wake up on a park bench, with my knuckles sore and five people saying I kicked their asses…
*Moment of silence*
Manami: On second thought, my resolution will be to stop people from saying I beat people up when I drink, yea
Rena: *sighs*
Manami: Your turn Rena
Rena: Fine. My resolution will be that I finally get something on President Obama and use it against him
Manami: …w-why?
Rena: Imagine controlling a super-power with nukes…I’d love to see people stand up to me with that on my side.
Manami: Cool
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*Scene cuts to the open road with Edge [FG1] walking*
Edge: Resolution? Pfft, that’s easy, I plan to bang every single girl in the Bada Bing. I know they want me, it’s only a matter of time.
*Moment of silence*
Edge: …WELL!? I’M WAITING GIRLS! *sighs out of frustration* Fine I guess I’ll go pick them up!
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*Scene cuts to Cross running away from Trisha*
Cross: *panting* My resolution?
Trisha: I’LL FUCKING KILL YOU CROSS!!
Cross: That’s easy! Steal more stuff…you can never have enough!
Trisha: I HATE YOU SO MUCH!
Cross: That and eventually make Trisha see I’m not such a bad guy…once you get to know me
Trisha: I’D RATHER BURN IN HELL!
Cross: Now if you’ll excuse me! *teleports leaving Trisha there*
Trisha: *stop* FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKK!
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*Scene cuts to the Bada Bing Bar with ULX, Tiff, Stacy, Lap, and CX [FG1]*
Lap: Resolution for the fourth year, huh? Well all I can say is that I resolve to love my hunny bunny CX more and more…and castrate people who say I’m crazy.
Tiff: And if they’re female?
Lap: I’ll find a way
Tiff: …*blinks* Ouch…
Stacy: Resolve to do more bodily harm to people, Edge and CX specifically cause I know they fucking deserve it, even if they didn’t do anything.
CX: …You know…fuck it, whatever. My resolution is to make Stacy less of a bitch!
Stacy: *pulls out her scythe* Must we go through this again*
CX: You know what, no, fuck that, I’ll take you on
*Stacy stabs CX through the chest*
CX: *looks down*…Oh…*looks up* Excuse me *breathes in then falls to the floor screaming*
Tiff: Um…yea. My resolution is to finally become a superhero and fight crime and stuff! And finish playing Metal Gear Solid 3 for everyone.
Stacy: Yea, you need to do that
Tiff: Well, I dun wanna…
Stacy: Snake’s ass
Tiff: …Okay fine!
ULX: My resolution…I guess to get Iota to finally pay his bar tab he has
Iota’s Voice: *faint* HA!
ULX: *sighs*
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*Scene cuts back with GLX*
GLX: Well that’s it for the anniversary of the stories
GCX: *pops in* So a cop out.
GLX: Shouldn’t you be in a pussy somewhere?
GCX: We got out…we found five other Germans there and a scared American who was just walking by
Cosmos: *pops in* Poor bastard didn’t know what hit him
GCX: Yea…
GLX: …Okay, anyways, thanks for the support for anyone reading this, and I’ll get back to work on those stories
GCX: Starting with the FVAs
GLX: Oh shut up!
- END -
GLX’s Note: Four years? Fuck…anyone who’s still reading this, you are the bomb, regardless…if I offended anyone in these past few years, my apologies, my only job is to entertain and make people laugh. Life with out laughter is not life at all. So thanks for reading me for this long, hopefully I can continue until my mind breaks down and turns me into an empty shell of a man with responsibility.